narcotic

you are the cause my cause
undue the laws
traumatic and broken by the flaws
of lost lovers and of in laws
no longer heard in tape loops sounding
like Mrs. Bates in Norman's wiggy head...
and letters used to cause such dread.
a slamming door
that could end me on the floor
a tray turns into a day
that wastes away all my good...
I should I should do what I should...
not.

the cause my cause because because
I know The Know
some good things do grow
I also know too much
although with this touch I forgot everything
a nap. my mind. it brings
what if what if's...
it drifts......
to a building. bricks.
a yellow house.
where there, again!
this dream the same sun room...
but my home it was a trampled tomb
resigned restrained learning
to not be consumed
keeps away the impeding doom
a lot.

you are the cause my cause
a narcotic so exotic
if one had bought it... oh you go it
it would be so so so you know --
what you call it?
I don't have to say it
I barely can delay it
don't don't don't yes repeat replay it

I am the cause my cause
because this narcotic
is a withdrawal of my own deposit
a morosoph so dope
years of hurried hope
these tales are a slippery slope
not toxic perhaps a little histrionic
I am the cause this cause
undivided attention, not neurotic
no one but all could mix
and drink this tonic
because I cause
what quickly comes to go...
and what comes must go...
so I know how to die
and to always be both high
and low...  again, I really should...
know.

you are the cause my cause
a narcotic so exotic
if one had bought it... oh you go it
can we try to go slow slow --
will I fall for it?                              [yeeeeesssssssss]
oh how I want to want to say it
I barely can delay it
I am waiting waiting to replay it

go

I'm thinking you found out
or maybe you don't know
my mind's on you no doubt
can't help that I can't let you go
you're not the only one
who can't keep pace with the pack to run

first I'm yelling out loud
why do you act so proud
then I dare not speak a word
when I was part of your herd
your charm was so absurd

first you took your time
now you're rushing out the door
I end helpless on the floor
choking on the smell of rusted tin
the night caves in

it's fine you win, you win
you win you win again
my sin I sin again
I kick and scream but I still give in
it's my sin you win again

I'm sewn in loosely at the seams
drowning in muffled screams
never making any sense
of this life of recompense
made for acts of self defense

you never found me out
you sent me on my way
we never had a doubt
can't help that I wanted you to stay
you're not the only one
to blame a gypsy for the smoking gun

this night I will not cry
rest in peace and to home fly
in these dreams while I sleep I die
you thought I didn't try
but was you who told the greatest lie

I'm sleeping in your head
and dreaming in your bed
wishing these things dead
a life like mine ignored
by all of those adored

and I found out
it's what you're not about
that makes me have to shout
I'll go on my way forget that day
when the lights and time did sway
but your only concern, was my delay

come to go, I can't ignore
I've heard it all before
maybe I was your greatest whore
the trees burn above as my chest caves in
you fight and beg then say I let it begin

it's fine you win, you win
you win you win again
my sin I sin again
I kick and scream but I still give in
it's my sin you win again

that night I said to you
please don't try, just do
say nothing that isn't true
my friends were sure you'd tell a lie
I should have let my feelings die

everyone but you can tell
I'm in heaven but I'd take your hell
let my light dim only to see your heart swell
so this slight that you perceive
is me trying just to breathe

I'm thinking you found out
my mind's on you no doubt
I'd die to let you go
you're the not only one
who told me I should run...
and patience finally has worn thin

and it's fine you win, you win
you win you win again
my sin I sin again
I kick and scream but I still give in
it's my sin I always let you win

May 2011
rev.  201

c'est le pigeon

don't talk to strangers

but entertain the kind ones

and so I did

and so I do 

who knew

you

who my life did endanger

in that moment

you pressed 

into my chest

and whispered in my ear

there is no need to fear

I will always be here

my dear

said the pigeon to the dove

my love

my love

said the pigeon to the dove

my love

my love

said the pigeon to the dove

the elephant in the manger?

speak not of these things

but still I did

and still I do 

who knew

you

to our lives you became the re-arranger 

in that moment

you pressed 

broke my nest

and whispered in my ear

perhaps there is a need to fear

I may not always be here

my dear

said the pigeon to the dove

my love

my love

said the pigeon to the dove

my love

my love

said the pigeon to the dove

October 2011

the wager

I'm not feeling very well
reeling, not seeming like myself
experiencing things I'd rather not tell
chest is hollow, can't swallow, my head swells
lost in these dimensions in which I dwell

though we may not stay
we came to say

it's alright
don't fight
but tonight
you could see sights
that might
cause some fright

though we may not stay
we came to say

it won't be long
until they're gone
don't let anyone
make you think
you are wrong
we are where you belong

though we may not stay
we came to say

we were hoping you could you forget...
our arrangement that you seem to regret
our wager, your life, perhaps a reckless bet
though we are pleased with the matches you have met
the traps were needed our nets are set

though we may not stay
we came to say

you have the right
put up a fight
on any given night
you could see sights
that might
cause some fright

though we may not stay
we came to say

it won't be long
until you're gone
don't let anyone
make you think
you are wrong
you are where you belong

we came to say
sorry we can not stay

October 2011

invasion

a simple invasion
a way though to a new nation
you would see the look in my eyes
the distant gaze
how each time you hurt me
a little more faded
the dim light that soon
with my... completely was eradicated

it's no wonder we were doomed
still something in me bloomed
the darkness the hope
the drinks the dope
the songs that spoke
of the end of times to come

rode this retrograde
into the ground
the perfection I told you
could not be found
is gone gone gone
but nothing is wrong

you have the world at hand
and and and
it is a simple gesture away
no worries
you don't have to
have to ask me to stay

how

through it all
rise and fall
what I know
they see it now what I do
who I am what I say
talk too much every day
how I speak
my hips they sway
when I peak
make you move
this is how I love
this little dove
sweet sweet fools
as below me so I do
from above
I can hear you
my ears are ringing
as we are swimming
in the ether
try as you might to forget
if you do in time you will regret
and come back for another
memory memory a space
a place that can not erase
how I love
this is how I love
my sweet sweet dove
how I love
this is how I love
who I am what I say
talk too much every day
how I speak
my hips they sway
when I peak
make you move
this is how I love
this little dove
from so high above

double zero

always need to keep myself in line
so random things... dare not ask to be defined
not while waiting for the sutured sky to fall
can not help again to want it All as one and all in all
wish away these adolescent swimming rhymes
songs in mind from a history of fallen times
stop.  go on.  like.  to know.  nothing.  more.
keep this.  after.  I go.  need.  no less.  than I.  did before.

tick tock all the clocks stop.  one two three... like that time...
the tune in June.  that high in July.  past the wall that fall.
but in the end I liked it All.
time slows time sways... light swells light stays.

plain to see is easy to be
few belongings scattered about me
all of these I can freely let go
each problem answered in double zero
patient but distracted I go through the day
bated - a pause to then explore but what will I say
stop.  go on.  like.  to know.  nothing.  more.
keep this.  after.  I go.  need.  no less.  than I.  did before.

bent

I feel like I'm falling
wish that I was drowning
keep on going under
gasping for another
breath that keeps me going
long for an eternal slumber
why do I still fight this
need to lose your number
we were never a match
clinging to illusions
hope gives way to detach
wish I knew what it meant
how can I learn this lesson
my heart never breaks but it's bent