deny

you ask too much of me-
the only one denied
and who weeps without choice
while speaks, "I tried."

fabric in the mill
water in the well
truth in wine distill
makes lies simple to tell

guides you sent to protect
whisper sweet in my ear
rules went past neglect
though vowed to keep me near

pressed at me where I did dwell
worlds collide and I'm not circumspect
an oath I swore, who could I tell?
what comes demands divine respect

soon all went to hell,
my spirits did disappear
with held scythe my heart braced
I faced deep valley in shadow, grave fear

now where to go for answers
about how and when the days all became one
everyone decided, let her rot, she won't remember...
but maybe we should have used a gun?

did you take for granted
a mind that speeds fast as light
in day presents a child
at dusk begins to fright

what was it you did wrong
and who did break my mind's seals
where are those who baited me with song
with lyrics masking nondescript deceitful deals?

you took me for a fool
but you could never know
my memory serves, my memories grow
and some things I can not let go.

dove

believe I did, I do
gave up everything for you
choices are not allowed
afraid of being disavowed
losing ranks
try giving thanks
do you remember how

for others you disobey
no one thought they would have to care
how I did sink so unaware
that dark solemn day
so low so low
whose life was not given to grow
you thought I did not know

empty promises of how I would soar
dragged so harsh on the concrete floors
they tried to end me behind barred doors
oh sticks and stones
not a soul to take me home

heard the haunted from the mound
that sound
then when I want to finally drown
you pull me off my knees
get off me please
unbound I have gained and discovered
more ground with simple human things
than you could ever cover
high on your bullet proof wings

lying songs, hymns of him
taunts of sin
lights that dim at night
whispers of hope and fright
liars that speak of dope
mortals that lie awake
to whom you hand rope
recoil and soak
tears and prayers
better sages and soothsayers
we make than you
in our one life
than you do ethereal
fickle fight and bicker
sacred words interior
you wonder why
we are so loved
imperfect doves

a bird in his hand
always always
His love's imperfect dove
we do not need feathers
you can do better
a bird in his hand
always always
His love's imperfect dove
hand us back our leather
a pound a pound of flesh of flesh
we are we are ourselves.

work it out it is later than you may, wink wink
because we think.
doves in hand and your gloves
we know you
we KNOW you. we know you
always take off your gloves.

yes.  I know you...
love.
this dove.
knows.
you
took off
your glove.

   
September 25, 2010

drink

this tree of life
the well I drink
I think I can't
then I cannot think

found the key
with the map
I will not stop
and not turn back
you drink a need
I link the feed
keep running toward
warnings I never heed
maybe it's right
we could be wrong
why do I fight
a good so strong
there is a chance
evidence enough
to where I belong
found the key
with the map
I will not stop
and not turn back
you drink a need
I need to feed

this tree of life
this well I drink
I think I can
then I cannot think

Betrayer

I know what I saw
and I know who was there
I saw how they looked
I saw how they stared

not allowed to share
but when I dare
the endowed quiet me
sell my life for free
happily with cruelty

no one can care
entering the lair
how can they
most things aren’t fair
so since no one can know
they always go, go...
so GO!

I know what I saw
and I know who was there
I saw how they looked
I saw how they stared

They pulled the restraints
then at the right time
set me free, let me run
out to the thief, the betrayer
the One with the gun

how did you all know?
to throw me down, and to cover
switch and spare my lover
what so speak-
Oh I see
he is not anOther

I remember that night
at the place
in the woods
feet wet with mud
froze where I stood
struck by pine
lost and shook hairs on end
a shiver up my spine
my boys came in with a flash
of a light and a crack of sound
oh my God. not denied
thought we died

I told them about the man
and the gun
and the pound on my door
how my roommate fell first
brains left on the floor

and I felt the cold barrel
at the base of my skull
at my temple, at my chest
how hard I brace
each time, each disgrace
it gets easier to face

by the end, if a knife
I can stab my own heart.
Felt so right
is this real?
Took your hand, put the steel,
between my eyes. “What you got, bitch?
Go AHEAD.
cause I’m already DEAD."

called it in brought me here,
they THEN- let it happen, AGAIN.

I know what I saw
I know who was there
I saw how they looked
I saw how they stared
I remember what was robbed
from me when... who they killed.
what could have been.

the promises, lack luster deals
as well how in hell 

what you sell...
and the seals

I know what I heard
I know who was true
and who was only frightened and new.
I know what I SAW
and I know who was fair
I saw WHO they took
I saw how they cared

one day I will find kindred and of like mind
never to suffer, endure of this kind
now I know
ALONE
I AM so...
and also
NOT meant to GO.