flame

nobody knows what love I mourn for.
of all the mortals I once adored;
I have not for them, ever, lit this candle before.

no one can know whose love I mourn for.
that bittersweet day they rose above my floor,
this stranger I can not forget since they darkened my door.

a promise to stay with some requirements to name,
a light, my heart, deals broken, but still here is this burning flame;
n'er beckons, no calling, now only burns to convince I'm insane.

all things being equal, small comforts, I know I will remain.
these tricksters are trifling, but are they to blame?
most days I am quiet, but some I am hard to restrain.

nobody knows this love I mourn for.
so many mortals have not seen them before.
for once as a witness... and reality tore.

I wish I could know whose love I mourn for.
gone are the blurred days on my knees begging for mercy on the floor,
so strange I still care for his visage that darkened my door.

October 4, 2010

contagious

I was fragile still hopeful

you seemed kind and noble    

said you were not flawless   

somehow you made my life lawless   

through all this his image resembled   

I fell short in pieces you dissembled    

accepting this stranger   

did my salvation endanger    

was he created blameless   

only to make me feel nameless    

incurring a debt   

no prince could come to correct    

my life long devotion   

brushed off with a dust of emotion    

quick to judge as a danger   

left to die far away in a manger    

his faith was contagious   

thought my frailty courageous    

enough to steal praise   

kept the grin on my face for days    

love I can not rescind 

even towers give way in the wind   

mind your still water gauges 

kings watch fools play on thrust stages   

in a crowd with no others    

your wings sprung new colours  

books blew open our rib cages   

words silenced, out fell all my pages    

long ago and again was this actress   

not braving the precipice

new born sage under cover     

instead he crawled back to his lover    

       

you won't see, this rhythm, a melody   

stays with me. constantly.      

my words now, not enabled     

disabled all I was once capable...    

       

message delivered you found me disturbing.         

a way to decipher your herds unnerving   

a sudden encasing sending me reeling,      

disgracing this craving you accepted no feeling    

       

commonly assuming for him I was grooming   

my descent impending a sad ending looming     

smiles backed by derision with no more choices
forced my decision to slip though the voices  

          
enlisting the vision as egos glisten

insisting on only one mission they never listen
waiting eyes fading,  though my mind's illuminating,
may this be the last time of this ascending beginning.

August 2011

well

I always knew I always know
yet still I can not help but go go go...
assumed such kindness tends to grow
seemed sure of unclear depths below
a leap inside a wishing well
what fool would catch me if I fell
in the water could see was my own spell
no matter now whose truth we are to tell

like

like it don't like it
now that you've tried it
sure of all there is to see
on the screen as you read me

I glance at that grin
will once wearing thin
for the state I am in

flaunt it don't flaunt it
just 'cause you caught it
you sure that I need you
in the way that I please you

that sheepish grin
we will not begin again
in the state I was in

want it don't want it
you broke it I bought it
with a box made of tin
you know not of where I have been

swell

let it out let it in
give a whisper
say my name
just like that
in my ear
oh my my sweet...........
oh my my dear
do that thing
we...........do
can you hear me
I can feel you
from miles away
my head it rings
my heart it races
the rush and flush
my skin is pink
you know I swell
I buckle I may I sway
what if what if I fell
begin to think...........
you better hurry
there has to be.......
can you stay
if we choose
there is a way

confidences

a song, a wind with a tale to tell…

a thought, these thoughts, I always remember so well.

you may see these words and like many, they rattle and ring true;

but dare not think these sounds make me think of you.

no, these things I see, I see from an altered vision,

I put you out; I told you so, but was not for derision.

apt pupils are not the confidences I want to find.

but where and wherefore art those like us, with this strange mind...?

alone.  alone? oh, no …promises that we never are.

we are always so close.  so close! …and yet so far.

try as I may with all my ore and glowing mettle;

the cook still scalds when chef climbs in his kettle.

indoctrinate with stealthy despot steel,

full bellied pot luck hoarders shall have no meal.

patiently I wait… been so long from last time,

when their whispers return to these hounded ears of mine.

if you should doubt, I would laugh but not at last;

for I cannot help that I have seen your past.

history is not forgot but some shrouds are blocked,

I have never been one to have the keys, but keep doors locked.

but no, they do not humor me in this, my infancy.

I long, I want, I wish then instead for apathy.

silently pout and protest as fall prepares to darken days,

then I, ready… for sleep under their dull, cold ways.

so then to end my marked confusion,

oh how weary I become of their pretty illusion.

nothing to see hear... or reason for concern.

yet I cannot reside to die compliant as dust in an urn.

October 2012

withering

even when I'm sleeping
I'm keeping
your hushed hidden counts

in between your dealings
the feelings
I try to stifle, they surmount

life as a ghost
is not for most
I'm waiting
I'm waiting

impatience, one of many faults
cavalier divine assaults
I, deflecting, defeated, delivering

hearts that could not halt
door of your lips, a vault
me lifting, suspending then withering

life as a ghost
is not for most
I'm fading
I'm fading

falling to the earth
was it worth
breathing and this new time-keeping

who knew when I returned
wings I had earned
and memories they were deleting

life as a ghost
is not for most
I'm waiting
I'm waiting

girls are not foretold
or crossed and sold
for silver pieces while heavens thunder

so friends that betray
will live long to see the day
when they fall down and burst asunder

life as a ghost
is not for most
I'm fading
I'm fading

July 2011